Olmec: Sex Therapist

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Dear sweet baby Jesus. It's so damn funny. And yet...my childhood is ruined. And yes that is the host from Legends of the Hidden Temple.

David Blaine Street Magic: YouTube Edition!

WHAT THE EFF says it all.

Holy hot colors

Yes, yes, time for another hilarious moment where Kelly says something stupid.

Kelly: and holy hot dicks, I just remembered all the alcohol I have from my birthday party...
Kelly: ....a whole bottle of kahlua, and quite a bit of vodka if I remember correctly.
Kelly: and baileys.
Matt: holy hot dicks?
Kelly: .......
Kelly: the full term is actually holy hot dicks from hell but I'm tired.
Kelly: I like to get colorfuck with my words from time to time
Kelly: ........colorful.
Kelly: .....yeah. I know. I'm blogging that one.
Matt: I don't even have to say it anymore

Love and Mace

Kelly: I should go buy mace tomorrow
Daniel: no you shouldn't
Kelly: oh no, I think I should
Daniel: but that could make us break up
Kelly: why is that?
Daniel: i can only get pepper in my eye so many times before i have to leave a relationship

Apparently I had to post this for Matt's amusement. Ok, his amusement and mine.

Tomorrow is Christmas Eve! Yay!! So excited!

Kelly and Matt's amazing quotes for 12/14-12/21

Kelly: is it bad that when I'm done with a doll or an animal, I wanna lay it on a table, lift it up into the night sky, watch it get struck by lightning which would then send me into an insane fit of laughter while yelling, "IT'S ALIVE"?
Kelly: ...I'll take your silence as a yes.
Matt: yes, just yes

Kelly: how did the interview go?
Matt: pretty good actually
Matt: got that job
Matt: they're making me an offer in 2 weeks
Kelly: woo!
Kelly: think you'll take it?
Matt: Nope

Kelly: so, speaking of mom killing people...
Matt: ?
Kelly: she doesn't know about Daniel *cough*
Matt: ooooh
Matt: you're domed
Kelly: .......I'm domed? I'm protected from the rain?

Kelly: Shayne is not my boyfriend.
Kelly: Because unless i missed something Shayne does not have a penis.
Matt: isn't she Kelly? You and your lesbian crochet orgies

Matt: so did you tell her about my "inner black woman"?
Kelly: .......It might have come up

Matt: I am both disgusted and confused

Kelly: argh, I am cutting myself at 3 am
Kelly: .....c...cutting myself off.
Matt: yeah good idea
Matt: cut yourself

Matt: you just can't like a guy unless he's a bastard to you

Kelly: well I pictured you looking at it and saying, "you know I have a chess set right?"
Matt: 3 things
Matt: 1) you can never have too many chess sets
Matt: 2) it's made for travel
Matt: 3) holy shit that is just fucking awesome

Kelly: but I've decided if that really bothers you, you're fruitier than a box of fruity pebbles.
Kelly: and you have bigger issues.
Matt: i have many fruity pebbles issues
Matt: damn roommates always rainbowing up the place

Kelly: her nipples look like torpedos.
Matt: they are
Matt: she also fights the war on terror

Kelly: So, yes.....I must admit.....
Kelly: penguins are SLIGHTLY better than otters.
Matt: you're drunk aren't you?

Kelly: Matt, how do I change my life?
Matt: worship the penguin

Shane said and I died

Kelly: you know what would have sucked? Living in the victorian ages
Kelly: jesus christ talk about sexual repression.
Shane: Fuck that
Kelly: yeah
Kelly: except, they didn't.
Kelly: they sat around being...
Kelly: snooty and horny as fuck.
Shane: I'd fuck everyone
Kelly: me too
Shane: And I mean just for the fuck of it
Shane: Hello sir, I know you don't know me, but I am going to insert my penis into your rectum. Cheerio!
Kelly: what about the women?
Shane: Pardon me, ma'am, I know you don't know me, but your vagina is disgusting. would you mind too terribly much if this other gentleman over here inserted his penis into your rectum in my place?

Apparently Shane intends to bone everyone.....everyone in the Victorian Era. Normally I would begin this post with an explanation but nothing needs to be explained here. It is simply hilarious.

Ok, that can never happen again.

Woohoo! New layout! It's all shiny and easier to read! Originally I didn't want to the black background thing since that's what both Shane and Matt have but I wasn't really keen on the whole dark blue/red/yellow color scheme. I am much happier with my black/pink/green/grey color scheme now. Much more saucy, don't you agree? Let me know what you guys think!

That being said...I can never change my blog again. Ever. I am banning myself.

Why? Well everytime I re-design a blog or whatever, I always forget myself. Specifically, I forget how freakin' OCD I am about designing ANYTHING. Desiging my new layout on here took me almost an hour and the changes were mostly color choices and text choices, not even the actual design of the blog itself. I fear what will happen when I get a house. I am pretty sure the house will never be totally finished because I will constantly be changing stuff. Hopefully I'll marry someone with the balls to beat me over the head with a baseball bat and make me stop.

Anyway, I promised myself and others that I would blog about something other than quotes because seriously, that's been what, my last 3 posts? That's kinda sad...

So here is a general update of my life: It's exam time which means, I'm busy as hell. But I'm down to 1 exam left! Woo! After that, I'm returning to Greensboro on Tuesday for Christmas break. Of course, I'll be coming back throughout the break to see people. I also have like 5 crochet projects to do. During the break, I'm also really going to focus on getting a job which is terrifying because the job market sucks royal ass right now. Also, journalism is really starting to fall apart. Hopefully I'll find something for me though.

...I should probably go study now...

Matt and Kelly's amazing quotes for the week

What is this you ask? Well my dear friend Matt and I tend to say a lot of awesome stuff on a semi-every day basis...as you've probably noticed. So rather than devote a post to each one, I'm saving them up for a whole week and posting it every Sunday. What is the criteria to make this list? You have to be Matt or I, the quote must be awesome, and the statement must be followed with "I need to blog that" or something like that.

So, here are the amazing quotes for this week:

Kelly: learn to crochet or something with string!
Kelly: and you can join in :P
Matt: so I can be part of the lesbian/penguin action?
Kelly: yes. you may
Matt: I think I just suffered a mental breakdown

Matt: and Maggie's a ninja so...
Kelly: maggie can fit in a fucking suitcase
Kelly: she fits in most overhead compartments.

Kelly: I'm pretty sure if I just showed him a boob he'd pass out.
Kelly: the blood wouldn't know where to go.

Matt: what is a utahraptor?
Matt: how big are a t-rex's feet?
Kelly: uh
Kelly: 1. fucking scary
Kelly: 2. fucking huge.
Matt: hahaha
Matt: and you get an A
Matt: for using 'fucking' in every answer
Kelly: fucking A!

Kelly: you're having a secret affair
Matt: hah! wrong!
Matt: oh wait the vacuum cleaner...

Kelly: I'm sure I'd be protective but I also would encourage them to be their own person.
Kelly: because I'm really independent.
Matt: very true
Kelly: like 'Hey you shouldn't bite that..." "Why?" "Well, it will burn..but it's up to you..."
Matt: oh come on, that's one of the times when you just take it and say "no you moron, just no"

Matt: you know
Matt: I have this giggling stuffed duck
Kelly: ...uh-huh
Matt: I think you would have that

This is our baby Dr. House

So I was discussing with Matt what would happen if I had a baby with certain people, which was a recap of a convo Shane and I had some time ago. Then Matt and I started discussing what would happen if he and I had a baby....This is what happened:

Kelly: ...I think yours and mine was somewhat normal...
Kelly: no, it was OCD
Kelly: and it argued...all the time.
Matt: heh, yes
Matt: with itself
Kelly: lol yes
Kelly: "That's clean enough. WAIT! NO!"
Kelly: it was also bitter.
Matt: yaay
Matt: and walked with a limp
Matt: not an injury or anything, but by choice. to have a cane. with flames.
Kelly: ...
Kelly: so if we had a baby
Kelly: we'd have house.
Kelly: Matt, I think we should have children.
Matt: the medical world would thank us
Matt: and we'd commit suicide


That's right, Matt and I would have House. Our son would be House. So if anyone wants to see a real version of House, you know what to do.

You can be as loud as the hell you want when you're making love...

Daniel and I were talking about walking in on people having sex and how awkward that situation can be. The conversation quickly turned to HEARING people having sex. This is something I unfortunately have experience with...

Kelly: I didn't care they were having sex
Kelly: I cared they did it loudly.
Daniel: how many closed doors?
Kelly: one
Daniel: that's nothing
Daniel: 4 and i had to turn up the volume on my headphones

Wooooooooooooow.....That's like screaming level. I think I'd leave the building at that time. Kudos to Daniel for actually sticking around.

...You'd think one of them would be hard of hearing after that....