Oh right...I have this.

So yeah, what's up blog? It's been a long time hasn't it? My bad. I've been super busy with a lot of stuff -- namely working. I'm doing the two part-time jobs thing still so that eats up a lot of my time. I'm also working on stuff for grad school and trying to have something of a social life. In general I haven't had much time for blogging lately. But hopefully that will improve now and my number of entries about pointless random crap will increase!

I am a very bad person

Kelly: ZOMBIE BILLY MAYS HERE FOR FLESH OF THE LIVING
I am Hersh: omg no wai!
Kelly: omg ya wai
I am Hersh: zombie birry mays is totarry awesome-u
Kelly: Billy Mays here for orange glo casket cleaner
Kelly: I'll be using a lot of this now that I'm dead.
I am Hersh: zombie billy mays, but wait theres more! call now and i will personally deliver to your casket...not 1, not 2, but THREE orange glo casket cleaners for only 19.95

Is it too soon? I feel like it might be. He did die today or something like that, I don't know. All I know is that I'm a really bad person. But so is Hersh.

Also, my blog is 1 year old now. Wee! Happy Birthday blog!

I ate sunscreen

So in case you didn't know, I adore Eddie Izzard. Like, a lot. He's kind of my favorite comedian ever. Shane and I also quote him all the time. He will make it into our conversations somehow in the most impressive ways. Like today:

Kelly: I hate how I can't get the taste of sunscreen out of my mouth...
Kelly: bleh
Shane: Kelly
Shane: Why would you eat sunscreen?
Kelly: I didn't
Kelly: I was wearing it today
Shane: Uh huh
Kelly: and somehow it got in my mouth.
Shane: Sure
Kelly: I dunno
Kelly: either way it tastes god awful
Shane: I still dunno why you'd drink sunscreen
Kelly: I didnt
Shane: Didn't you though?
Kelly: alright alright yes yes
Kelly: i ate sunscreen
Kelly: I fucked your wife and I ate sunscreen
Shane: I am the sunscreen and I ate the sunscreen

I'm mostly amused that we both made the same reference at the same time. For those of you who are not familiar with this bit, you can find it here. I love Eddie Izzard.

I have several more posts to make about animazment and how I hung out with tigers today...but I'll make them later. Right now, I'm feeling too lazy.

Where can you find pirates?

So, back in 2004, the website Weebl's Stuff posted an adorable video about lions and tigers in Kenya. It's one of the first videos that made me truly fall in love with this site. Seriously, just look at those little critters. They even look adorable when they're trying to eat giraffes.

Now admittedly, I've slacked off from checking it recently. College does that to you. But last night, Daniel showed me a new version of the Kenya video. I'm not gonna spoil it for you but it's called Somalia. And yes, it does have to do with the news. Just click it. It's hilarious.

Side note: I really wanna make a pirate from the Somalia video.

Forget Long John!

Things, things, and more things

I owe this blog a real update about my life...

So my concert is in 12 days. It's so close now, holy crap. For those of you who are not aware, I'm doing my solo concert for my music minor in vocal performance really really soon. I'm singing 9 songs in a total of 4 different languages. Not every song in four languages mind you..I've just got a lot of different languages. I'm singing in German, French, Latin, and English. It's frightening really.

It doesn't help I'm still memorizing one of my songs. Yeah..I'm a bad person. Oh well, I'm going to go get help for it tomorrow. Then I should have it down by Wednesday.

Thursday is going to be a strange day for me. On the one hand, Daniel will be here which is awesome. I haven't seen him since spring break. On the other hand, it will be my last CIA show. That's assuming I'm placed in the show which I hope I am. I guess it's hard for me to imagine that this is it since I plan on trying to come next year but this is really something I need to prepare to say "good-bye" to on some level. I dunno, maybe I should try CW after this.

The next 4 weeks or so are going to fly by so quickly. I just hope I can take advantage of it fully.

Space Bat

So for those of you who don't know, a bat was found attached to the Discovery when it went into orbit. The bat died sadly but a whole phenomenon has been started in his honor. So I present to you the space bat memorial. It is awesome. I really want one of those t-shirts...is that bad?

Off with those pants

Now, I am no stranger to the oddities of the internet. Nor am I a stranger to the fact that really shitty things sometimes get published when it's clearly a waste of paper. For example -- the existence of Twilight. (Yeah, I'm sorry but screw that series)

But today, my expectations were exceeded and I was introduced to a new low of fiction and a new form of entertainment. Bill O'Reilly published a fiction book called "Those who Trespass", a charming tale of a cat-and-mouse game between a news TV host turned killer and a tough talking Irish cop. Mesmerizing, really. But the real nugget of joy here comes from the fact that Bill O'Reilly himself did the audiobook. And several of the passages are explicit and sexual.

Ladies and gentlemen, allow yourself to be seduced by Bill O'Reilly.

"Off with those pants" -- Wow. Just wow. This man makes me ashamed to be Irish.

What nature is really saying...

So this video is entitled "fuck planet earth". It's easily one of the funniest things I've seen lately. I have yet to watch it all the way through without laughing somehow. Good luck.

The antelope at the very end is so great..

More amigurumi awesomeness

So for Christmas I recently completely two projects for Daniel and Jesse. For Jesse I made Nightcrawler which you can see here.

It was pretty fun considering I didn't have a pattern at all for this. I just used this amigurumi dude pattern and modified it.

But Daniel's present was way harder. For him, I made a tachikoma from Ghost in the Shell. The reason this was so hard was because there was no pattern. I had to completely write this myself. That being said, I think it came out pretty awesome. You can view pictures of it here and here.

I still have to make Shane's GIR, Matt's chess set and Casey's Companion Cube. Once all of those are done however, I have found something I plan on making for myself. A katamari! That katamari actually has magnets in it. Which just further proves how awesome it is. I'm pretty stoked.

RIP Coach Yow

This is pretty sad to hear. I never got to see her games but from what I understood, she was a really strong individual. I admire her for hanging in there as long as she did. Truly this is a sad day for Women's Basketball. RIP Coach Yow.

Reason #865491873 for why I love the Onion

This article is absolutely hilarious.

I want someone to photoshop a razor with 5 blades. I don't care how you do it. It doesn't matter, it just has to be done.

"Here's the report from Engineering. Someone put it in the bathroom: I want to wipe my ass with it." One of the best quotes in the article.

In other news, Happy new year! I'm in my last semester at State, zomg! Real life is fast approaching!

Olmec: Sex Therapist

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Dear sweet baby Jesus. It's so damn funny. And yet...my childhood is ruined. And yes that is the host from Legends of the Hidden Temple.

David Blaine Street Magic: YouTube Edition!

WHAT THE EFF says it all.

Holy hot colors

Yes, yes, time for another hilarious moment where Kelly says something stupid.

Kelly: and holy hot dicks, I just remembered all the alcohol I have from my birthday party...
Kelly: ....a whole bottle of kahlua, and quite a bit of vodka if I remember correctly.
Kelly: and baileys.
Matt: holy hot dicks?
Kelly: .......
Kelly: the full term is actually holy hot dicks from hell but I'm tired.
Kelly: I like to get colorfuck with my words from time to time
Kelly: ........colorful.
Kelly: .....yeah. I know. I'm blogging that one.
Matt: I don't even have to say it anymore

Love and Mace

Kelly: I should go buy mace tomorrow
Daniel: no you shouldn't
Kelly: oh no, I think I should
Daniel: but that could make us break up
Kelly: why is that?
Daniel: i can only get pepper in my eye so many times before i have to leave a relationship

Apparently I had to post this for Matt's amusement. Ok, his amusement and mine.

Tomorrow is Christmas Eve! Yay!! So excited!

Kelly and Matt's amazing quotes for 12/14-12/21

Kelly: is it bad that when I'm done with a doll or an animal, I wanna lay it on a table, lift it up into the night sky, watch it get struck by lightning which would then send me into an insane fit of laughter while yelling, "IT'S ALIVE"?
Kelly: ...I'll take your silence as a yes.
Matt: yes, just yes

Kelly: how did the interview go?
Matt: pretty good actually
Matt: got that job
Matt: they're making me an offer in 2 weeks
Kelly: woo!
Kelly: think you'll take it?
Matt: Nope

Kelly: so, speaking of mom killing people...
Matt: ?
Kelly: she doesn't know about Daniel *cough*
Matt: ooooh
Matt: you're domed
Kelly: .......I'm domed? I'm protected from the rain?

Kelly: Shayne is not my boyfriend.
Kelly: Because unless i missed something Shayne does not have a penis.
Matt: isn't she Kelly? You and your lesbian crochet orgies

Matt: so did you tell her about my "inner black woman"?
Kelly: .......It might have come up

Matt: I am both disgusted and confused

Kelly: argh, I am cutting myself at 3 am
Kelly: .....c...cutting myself off.
Matt: yeah good idea
Matt: cut yourself

Matt: you just can't like a guy unless he's a bastard to you

Kelly: well I pictured you looking at it and saying, "you know I have a chess set right?"
Matt: 3 things
Matt: 1) you can never have too many chess sets
Matt: 2) it's made for travel
Matt: 3) holy shit that is just fucking awesome

Kelly: but I've decided if that really bothers you, you're fruitier than a box of fruity pebbles.
Kelly: and you have bigger issues.
Matt: i have many fruity pebbles issues
Matt: damn roommates always rainbowing up the place

Kelly: her nipples look like torpedos.
Matt: they are
Matt: she also fights the war on terror

Kelly: So, yes.....I must admit.....
Kelly: penguins are SLIGHTLY better than otters.
Matt: you're drunk aren't you?

Kelly: Matt, how do I change my life?
Matt: worship the penguin

Shane said and I died

Kelly: you know what would have sucked? Living in the victorian ages
Kelly: jesus christ talk about sexual repression.
Shane: Fuck that
Kelly: yeah
Kelly: except, they didn't.
Kelly: they sat around being...
Kelly: snooty and horny as fuck.
Shane: I'd fuck everyone
Kelly: me too
Shane: And I mean just for the fuck of it
Shane: Hello sir, I know you don't know me, but I am going to insert my penis into your rectum. Cheerio!
Kelly: what about the women?
Shane: Pardon me, ma'am, I know you don't know me, but your vagina is disgusting. would you mind too terribly much if this other gentleman over here inserted his penis into your rectum in my place?

Apparently Shane intends to bone everyone.....everyone in the Victorian Era. Normally I would begin this post with an explanation but nothing needs to be explained here. It is simply hilarious.

Ok, that can never happen again.

Woohoo! New layout! It's all shiny and easier to read! Originally I didn't want to the black background thing since that's what both Shane and Matt have but I wasn't really keen on the whole dark blue/red/yellow color scheme. I am much happier with my black/pink/green/grey color scheme now. Much more saucy, don't you agree? Let me know what you guys think!

That being said...I can never change my blog again. Ever. I am banning myself.

Why? Well everytime I re-design a blog or whatever, I always forget myself. Specifically, I forget how freakin' OCD I am about designing ANYTHING. Desiging my new layout on here took me almost an hour and the changes were mostly color choices and text choices, not even the actual design of the blog itself. I fear what will happen when I get a house. I am pretty sure the house will never be totally finished because I will constantly be changing stuff. Hopefully I'll marry someone with the balls to beat me over the head with a baseball bat and make me stop.

Anyway, I promised myself and others that I would blog about something other than quotes because seriously, that's been what, my last 3 posts? That's kinda sad...

So here is a general update of my life: It's exam time which means, I'm busy as hell. But I'm down to 1 exam left! Woo! After that, I'm returning to Greensboro on Tuesday for Christmas break. Of course, I'll be coming back throughout the break to see people. I also have like 5 crochet projects to do. During the break, I'm also really going to focus on getting a job which is terrifying because the job market sucks royal ass right now. Also, journalism is really starting to fall apart. Hopefully I'll find something for me though.

...I should probably go study now...

Matt and Kelly's amazing quotes for the week

What is this you ask? Well my dear friend Matt and I tend to say a lot of awesome stuff on a semi-every day basis...as you've probably noticed. So rather than devote a post to each one, I'm saving them up for a whole week and posting it every Sunday. What is the criteria to make this list? You have to be Matt or I, the quote must be awesome, and the statement must be followed with "I need to blog that" or something like that.

So, here are the amazing quotes for this week:

Kelly: learn to crochet or something with string!
Kelly: and you can join in :P
Matt: so I can be part of the lesbian/penguin action?
Kelly: yes. you may
Matt: I think I just suffered a mental breakdown

Matt: and Maggie's a ninja so...
Kelly: maggie can fit in a fucking suitcase
Kelly: she fits in most overhead compartments.

Kelly: I'm pretty sure if I just showed him a boob he'd pass out.
Kelly: the blood wouldn't know where to go.

Matt: what is a utahraptor?
Matt: how big are a t-rex's feet?
Kelly: uh
Kelly: 1. fucking scary
Kelly: 2. fucking huge.
Matt: hahaha
Matt: and you get an A
Matt: for using 'fucking' in every answer
Kelly: fucking A!

Kelly: you're having a secret affair
Matt: hah! wrong!
Matt: oh wait the vacuum cleaner...

Kelly: I'm sure I'd be protective but I also would encourage them to be their own person.
Kelly: because I'm really independent.
Matt: very true
Kelly: like 'Hey you shouldn't bite that..." "Why?" "Well, it will burn..but it's up to you..."
Matt: oh come on, that's one of the times when you just take it and say "no you moron, just no"

Matt: you know
Matt: I have this giggling stuffed duck
Kelly: ...uh-huh
Matt: I think you would have that

This is our baby Dr. House

So I was discussing with Matt what would happen if I had a baby with certain people, which was a recap of a convo Shane and I had some time ago. Then Matt and I started discussing what would happen if he and I had a baby....This is what happened:

Kelly: ...I think yours and mine was somewhat normal...
Kelly: no, it was OCD
Kelly: and it argued...all the time.
Matt: heh, yes
Matt: with itself
Kelly: lol yes
Kelly: "That's clean enough. WAIT! NO!"
Kelly: it was also bitter.
Matt: yaay
Matt: and walked with a limp
Matt: not an injury or anything, but by choice. to have a cane. with flames.
Kelly: ...
Kelly: so if we had a baby
Kelly: we'd have house.
Kelly: Matt, I think we should have children.
Matt: the medical world would thank us
Matt: and we'd commit suicide


That's right, Matt and I would have House. Our son would be House. So if anyone wants to see a real version of House, you know what to do.